January 4, 2012


People say that this time of year (the beginning) you are supposed to reflect on the year gone and look toward the future. Well. You should never dwell on the past or the future. Learn from the past, look toward the future, and live in the present. Easy enough, right? You'd think. But here's me learning, looking, and living.

--I learned that I tend to sabotage relationships when I think they are going to move forward. I learned this at the beginning of the year; don't worry I improved it by the end.
--I learned that Vegas isn't as awful as I once thought it was. I still consider it to be one of the dirtiest places on this earth (in every sense of the word) but when you have people you love there you can have a good time.
--I learned that I don't do very well in school. Not because I'm not intelligent, I just don't enjoy it. And I have a hard time doing things that I don't enjoy.
--I learned that The Atonement of Jesus Christ is a very, very real thing and that I can be forgiven. I also learned that forgiving yourself is a huge step in the forgiveness process.
--I learned that friendships, no matter what kind, are incredibly hard to let go of.
--I learned that spontaneity is a great way to get your spirits up.
--I learned that my obsession with Harry Potter is very real and that I don't care what anyone thinks about it.
--I learned that hurting someone I love, no matter the reason, results in hurting myself.
--I learned that I need to be genuinely interested in other people. I need to ask more questions.
--I learned that I can't let my first impression of someone get in the way. Most people don't make good impressions and then turn out to be incredible people.
--I learned that a lot of people out there pretend to be heartless and to not care, when really they are the most loving people I know and would do anything for the ones they love. I also learned that I am pretty good at picking these people out.
--I learned that I can longboard (somewhat) and that all my fear of longboarding was completely ridiculous.
--I learned that I'm not a very good communicator. I learned that telling someone how I feel is always the better option.
--I learned that I love my family more than most people love theirs. (Probably not entirely true, but I think so).
--I learned that my heart can literally grow to fit more people inside. And when I lose those people the empty spots don't ever really close and no one else can fill them.
--I learned that my brother is an amazing man and that he has a better heart than anyone I know.
--I learned that Cancer cannot break a family. It only brings them closer. And it brings friends closer, and communities closer to love that family when they need it most.
--I learned that I need to stop worrying about stupid things. And stop being paranoid.
--I learned that I am pretty good at giving advice.
--I learned that my standard for a loving relationship may be high, but it's what I need. And I believe that everyone should have that.
--I learned that eye contact is super important to me. And I tend to stare at people (not strangers, people I'm having conversations with) but I'm always the one who stares longer. I don't like breaking eye contact.
--I learned that I can avoid Nordstrom for months if I have to.
--I learned that I am a person people enjoy being around. But it took me a long time to believe that.
--I learned that my ability to love people is one of the best attributes I have.

--I look forward to a fresh start.
--I look forward to praying about my future and asking my Heavenly Father what steps to take next.
--I look forward to making new friends and gaining more people that I will love immediately.
--I look forward to watching my beautiful niece Aspen grow and learn and interact.
--I look forward to another summer. (Especially the Olympics).
--I look forward to an increased testimony of this wonderful gospel.
--I look forward to new experiences and new relationships that I will eventually learn from.
--I look forward to being healthy, body and mind.
--I look forward to The Hunger Games movie.

--I live for my family.
--I live for my friends.
--I live for the perfect pair of shoes.
--I live for reading and writing.
--I live for this incredible gospel. I live to increase my knowledge of this gospel as well as my testimony.
--I live for laughing so hard it hurts.
--I live for stupid TV shows that make me laugh and cry and feel.
--I live for beautiful music.
--I live for beautiful people.

I should do this every year...I just learned a lot by writing everything down. I'm sure I missed a million things but this is enough for now. I like this better than New Years Resolutions. Those usually get me nowhere past the second week of January. These are things I can actually continue to do. They aren't things I can just check off a list and call it good.

2012. Here's to you!

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