My friend Maddison is an amazing writer. She wrote this on her blog and I fell madly in love. It's my favorite piece of writing on love, maybe ever. And, unfortunately, I'm going through exactly this. I just pray that he won't be past the horizon by the time I figure it out.
Often times we find ourselves in “the game”. Most people say that they hate “the game”, and they very well might. We want the people who don’t want us because they want someone who doesn’t want them, and the person they like loves somebody who loves you, but you don’t want them because you’re in love with radial point A. We have come full circle.
We are so caught up in finding a challenge, that we don’t see the person standing right in front of us. Here’s something interesting, we only find ourselves missing the person who loved us when THEY move on. Why? Because after they move on, they become a new challenge and if we’re lucky enough we catch them right before they move past the horizon. Marriage stems from the golden lining on the horizon. Love is a sick twisted chess game, and every move is analyzed. The point of this game is to knock out the king and take over the opposing queen. If love was easy, the original king and queen would be married. All the other chess pieces would be extended family, their neighbors across the street would be friends who BBQ on Sunday. They would never want to commit adultery or kill the other woman’s husband (king).
We love challenge, we hate defeat. What we need to understand is that love is a form of defeat and there is a great reward in it. We show our significant other every single one of our flaws and HOPE that they love us back. It is not a challenge to see who will “win” or “lose” unless you’re looking for divorce or psychological terrorism. The most beautiful thing about love is that we are able to accept somebody else as a part of ourselves, and that is the only challenge worth accepting. The most interesting thing about this game is that we actually end up spending a significant amount of time with the person who loves us because they make us feel secure, and we know that we don’t have to commit to them because they’ll always be there. The king and the queen stand next to each other for the longest amount of time in the game of chess, but they don’t stay together. They don’t stay together because they have their sights locked on a challenge fueled by selfishness. If the king and the queen were selfless for three seconds, they would be living the checkered American dream. If the royalty of the board would have used their power to conquer a challenge together and for one another, they could multiply their potential for success.
I submit that we need to humble ourselves and understand that loving somebody completely should feel selfless. The scariest things we do involve being vulnerable. We know that when we’re trying to get somebody who doesn’t want us back, we stand on our best foot, and we cloak ourselves with our strengths. It’s difficult to show your vulnerabilities to somebody who pretends like they have none. Our weaknesses contrast with our strengths, and it’s easier to love ourselves and others if we’re able to use them together. The king on the other side of the street isn’t as amazing as the one standing next to you. I know this because my Radiohead love slipped through my fingers like the sand we used to walk on as he walked past the horizon, and out of my life.