As I went back through and read them for reference I noticed a common theme. “Who should I like?” With eighth grade seemed to come the helpless girl phase. Girls were just running around trying to find boys to like because, what’s life without someone to daydream about? “Who should I like? I have no one to like!"
Introducing, the first time Breanne actually had a ‘boyfriend.’ Mark. It lasted an entire week. A week filled with awkward hallway hugs, notes in each other’s lockers, and never actually seeing each other outside of school. I ended it. Well, technically my friend Marcy ended it. She wrote Mark a note telling him that I was breaking up with him.
I was actually madly in love with a boy named Alan. (These fake names, right?) He was one of the few boys in my grade taller than me, as always. Which I think had a lot to do with my affection for him because I don’t remember a time I actually talked to him. We weren’t friends. But he knew I liked him. OH. He knew. And he was mortified by it. I was still awkward and overly obsessive. Again, not much has changed.
And then came Kirk. He was a ninth grader. Can you believe it?! A ninth grader. He was my ‘boyfriend’ for a couple months. (Eighth and ninth grade were in the same school). Insert more awkward hallway hugs and notes in lockers. And MSN Messenger. Yep. This was the start of something good. (To be sung in the tune of the High School Musical song).
I was obsessed with MSN Messenger. Everyday after school I would log on. I had a few key people I would chat with. Kirk was one of them. He also had bleached tips (like fifth grade, Tyler) and we had weight training together. This was one of the few classes eighth and ninth graders shared. I could bench a solid ninety pounds, once. But in my defense, that’s about how much I weighed at the time.
MSN was our primary form of communication. We chatted for as long as my mom would let me before having to log off. Kirk was the first boy I wanted to ‘fix.’ You know how girls are always wanting to fix boys?
We dated over my fourteenth birthday--my first co-ed birthday party. It was in a park and it was perfect. I wore my favorite Abercrombie shirt. Kirk couldn’t come to my party because I’m pretty sure my dad would have killed him. So before the party, I went to the movie ‘with my BFF Hannah.’ We met Kirk and his friend there. We held hands. HELD HANDS! My dad picked us up after and noticed the two boys walking away. Needless to say he wasn’t too happy about us going to movies with boys.
Kirk gave me a stuffed panda bear for my birthday. And something else but I can’t remember what. We had a song. Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard. I don’t even know. And holding hands was as far as it ever went with us. Although, one person thought a lot more was going on. We were at my friend Mary’s house with a big group of people watching a scary movie. The Ring, if I recall correctly. Kirk and I were sitting on the couch with Mary and a few other people. We had a blanket because we were holding hands and didn’t want anyyyyyyone to know. Duh.
Mary had a stepmother who was a little off her rocker. She came over to me and asked quietly,
“Are you cold?”
“No, I’m okay!”
“I can turn the heat up if you’re cold.”
“No, I’m fine, thanks though!”
(Clearly not picking up what she was putting down.)
“Okay,” she says, “then stop feeling up."
It took me about three minutes to process what she had just said to me. And five more minutes to realize what ‘feeling up’ meant. I was barely fourteen! I had never even kissed a boy, let alone felt one up. I was mortified. I took the blanket off and slowly slid away from Kirk. He was so upset. And I couldn’t very well explain to him what Mary’s stepmom had just accused me of. No way was I ever telling him.I’m not sure the timeline of this relationship, but somewhere towards the end I found out Kirk was cheating on me with a ninth grader from a different school. Portia. Portia! Of course he cheats on me with a Portia! I was devastated to say the least. (Portia is actually her real name. I’d protect it, but it’s just too good.)